The 2011 World Jiu Jitsu Championships are 3 days away. This is the time that athletes are cramming in their last strenuous training sessions, starving to make weight, traveling and adjusting to time changes and ridding themselves of distractions in order to focus on the days ahead. I, on the other hand, have skipped a few training sessions, eating a bunch to make up for the dramatic loss of appetite I incurred the past few weeks, and dealing with internal issues that are preventing my mind from settling into competition mode.

Any jiu jitsu competitor will tell you how important your mind is to this sport. The mind is so powerful. Do whatever it takes to free yourself of demotivating thoughts and set a game plan. Gain your confidence. Be ready to act quickly and remember every thing you've learned. Sharpen your tools and load your arsenal. Sure it may be the hardest part but its necessary and its what I struggle with.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I had found a paid voluntary drug trial on Craigslist and being a troubled new college student, I jumped on it. I knew I had an abnormal amount of stress and wanted confirmation that I wasn't just overreacting and I wanted to perhaps learn if I could control it. I can't lie, though. The idea of 500 extra bucks in my pocket was a large incentive. The trial was about 8 weeks long and at the end I was advised to continue seeking help and that I could be referred. They even gave me samples of an existing drug on the market for depression and anxiety since they go hand in hand. And they really do.

After that I never sought out therapy. Instead I found a great alternative-- jiu jitsu. Today its proven to aid my stress levels and controlling my life. I'm sure most can vouch for that. But my anxiety and the like still exist and it is all still very real. It hinders my ability to not only train efficiently but also perform at competitions. With worlds days away, I know I want the title and I know it can be mine but whether or not I can get my shit together will determine everything.

If I don't win worlds it will not be because I was ill-prepared. It won't be lack of technique or cardio. It won't be because I'm not good enough or I wasn't pushed hard enough or I didn't surround myself with the right people. It certainly won't be because I was denied the necessary means to be at a high level. No, it will because I sabotage myself and couldn't make my mind right. Maybe it will be lack of confidence or will to give everything. Maybe it will be because of what someone said or did days before or unfortunate events. My troubles can get the best of me and in order to be able to step on the mat and compete against the person I shake hands with I have to win over my mind first. And that's pretty depressing.

Cobrinha

With everything going on in my life the past couple months or so, the drama has been surrounding my personal life more so than my jiu jitsu journey. There’s only so much information that people want to hear regarding doctor visits, boy problems and speeding tickets. Or none at all… Basically I’ve been adjusting to the new gym and trying to grow up. I’ve trained every night except for one and the time I went to Dallas. A week ago I returned from Tejas with a gold medal that I feel I barely earned. I flew out to Dallas to meet Jordon and Alec from Atlanta for the IBJJF Dallas Open. I saw it as a way to see where I’m at since switching schools. Sporting my new Alliance patch and with no coach and at some random gym with the name “Kitty McGee” in the middle of humid Denton, Tx I felt like I was just completely on my own. It was just another instance lately where I had to grow up. Maybe I sound a little immature but I was definitely spoiled and babied at my old team compared to Cobrinha’s. Everyone is respected and there’s no goofing off except if someone farts or Fabio sways his hips better than J-Lo while teaching a technique. That’s always funny. I had two other girls in my bracket in Dallas but one didn’t make weight which I found out later. My first and only fight was against I think a Lloyd Irvin girl. I pulled guard (shocking, amirite?) and got a triangle right away. I adjusted but she framed a bit and had her other hand still inside. I tried angling and hooking her leg and then pulling her head down and I couldn’t get the tap. I tried pulling the elbow of the hand that was still inside and she was pinning it so that didn’t work. Swept to mount and she squeezed her little head out and I was gassed which made me disgusted. I played guard and she passed and I swept and then we stood up, I pulled guard again and then time ran out. It felt really really horrible to have won that way and my technique was atrocious. Not a great way to rep the new team. Anyway, we waited around and I saw the others fight and blah blah blah. Texas is humid and gross and desolate and boring and dead. I never want to go back.

Cobrinha’s has been a definite step in the right direction. His techniques require serious mental notage and makes me realize every technique I learned before him was the cliff notes version. He has an answer for every situation and will answer them anytime. He loves to teach. When he shows a technique he goes from start to finish and it feels like it never ends. Here I am taking bullet points of all the moves in my head and the list will go to about 20 for every technique. He walks around and makes sure everyone gets the move exactly how he intends and any trouble you may have he will jump right in and let you do the move on him to see exactly where you went wrong. I can’t ask for a better teacher. The first Saturday class I attended was the first day he came back from Abu Dhabi. After a vigorous 2 hour training he had us get in lines with one person in the middle and have us run through that person for 2 minutes, no breaks just one person after the other. After the 2nd training we did strength and conditioning in which he turned into a drill sergeant. He may only weigh 62 kilos but he has such stature and professionalism that you never want him to feel disrespected. As far as my training partners, they are all there to win. We have about 4 white belts, a lot of blues, a handful of purple and about 3 brown belts and one other black belt who trains with us who weighs less than me and is awesome. I get killed every night and the different games that were produced at other academies allow for me to have a variety of different rolls. Some love deep half, some are great at passing and others have a really dangerous guard. Either way the intensity is always on high. The best part is that there’s another blue belt girl that I love training with regularly. The other great part is that I’ve been able to keep everything professional and my training partners stay training partners. No opportunities for others to know my personal business which is a mistake I made at my old academy. With worlds well on its way I get to prepare with Malfacine, the Langhi brothers and others. Hopefully I can pull everything together to ensure my spot on the podium, I plan on leaving it all on the mat.


P.S. I've got interviews on the way from Gabi Garcia and Braga Neto and possibly Nick Diaz.

P.S.S.
My favorite person to see every day: