I want to shed light on a topic that is easily over-looked or stuffed under the rug. Not swept, stuffed. Shoved. Crammed. There is a gender inequality that exists in jiu jitsu and for whatever reason, it's acceptable and sometimes dismissed. It is often over-looked because of various reasons I've stated below. I want to bring an awareness not to the tip of the iceberg but rather the very foundation of why it exists. This can be applied to many different aspects of life but with jiu jitsu still considered a culture, and a "small world," we can work to change it now.
The existence of girls training jiu jitsu has brought on so many different opinions and issues that it's like beating a dead horse. Most think of it as a situation that won't change anytime soon but I beg to differ. There are so many inner problems at work here and because of this, the progression of females in the sport of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is at stake.
There are three reasons that patriarchy (yes, that is what is in play here) exists and is maintained:
1) It is routine and taken advantage of. The roles of women in general are that of an essentialist view in which they are considered innately maternal, motherly, sensitive, nurturing, weak and submissive. While there have been some changes in the last two examples, it is still an ingrained image we have of females. On the contrary, men are strong, dominant, in control and fearless. For this, jiu jitsu is the perfect outlet for those characters who are playing the role of dominance, control and in the case of mma, violence. By men participating in jiu jitsu they are simply performing their role. When women train jiu jitsu, we are going against the very ideals of our suggested roles. And since our roles help determine our sense of self, it's hard to place ourselves in the world of jiu jitsu where we are challenged and outside of our comfort zone. We put ourselves in a place where others see we don't belong. There are reasons that women aren't as accepted on the mat but we can't always express why and so because it is such a routine idea with a messed up gender message, no one wants to stir up controversy by admitting it exists.
To further this example, as my professor made note of, Pepe' Le Pew is a sex offender. I bet you never thought of him as that BUT anyone who did would be considered uptight and not able to take jokes or make light of anything.
2) Force. Given that one would speak up about the issue of women not gaining the same respect in jiu jitsu, there'd be a ton of flack caught for it . So because someone fears being victimized as a result of their opposing position, they choose not to speak up or demand change.
3) Ideology. Another reason there is no change is because the idea that it is "the way that it's supposed to be." Let's not make note of the issue, speak up about it, challenge it, or try to challenge it because that's just how it is.
My purpose of talking about this is because although there are less serious issues such as getting blamed for looking like a girl when we step into the gym as if we're attempting to be a distraction, there are more serious instances like the fact that there are very little sponsorships available for the dedicated, competitive, successful women in the sport. While the major companies are supporting the few world champions, there is little to no exposure for the women making their way up the ranks. Currently there is a consistent amount of media surrounding the "young guns" for males whether they're juveniles or blue belts to brown belts. The women, regardless of being the teammates of those guys who have helped them prepare for their wins, or have competed in more tournaments than most guys, have little recognition.
No company wants to be the one that markets to the girls. No company has faith in the existence of girls in the sport and to some extent, there are people who refuse to accept them into the higher ranks at all.
This system and way of thinking needs to change. There are plenty of females in the sport who must be taken seriously. Regardless of the notions that girls get into training for the sake of meeting a mate, we can't shun all of them or exclude them especially those that compete and train consistently.
My hope is that we can gain some more notoriety in the community, gather more faith in us that we are truly in it for the right reasons, that we are not a nuisance and that we become seen as equal with the same amount of respect and opportunities that are given to the boys.
This is not a cry for myself to be recognized or a complaint because I can't get support when I need it. It is a cry for all the inspiring, tough women who put in the hours, blood, sweat, and I'm sure many tears, who deserve to be accepted and revered. It is a push for you to challenge what exists. If you can accept that it's an issue then congratulations. If you can help support the women and aid in the advancement of our sport in this area, then hats off to you and thanks.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
As
always, a lot has changed. It’s hard to maintain this blog when things aren’t
going as well as I’d like. I always feel as though I am in the middle of change
and that I need to solve the issues at hand before reporting them or putting
them into concrete words like on this blog. I guess I’ve been undergoing a lot
of transformations that question the very name of this blog. It’s crazy that I
still am not sure of what my legacy will be or why I will be a legacy or what
will be remembered of me.
This
is what I know about me right now. I am a college student. As much as I hate to
say that as if it’s the main priority (because it should be,) it describes me
the best. To say I am a college student implies that I am in the works of my
later life. As if I’m allowed to be lost, confused and naively excited or
depressed about my future. Yup, COLLEGE STUDENT, that’s me. Before I reenrolled
this semester, I didn’t have that excuse. But hey, now I’m good. I am currently
employed by my jiu jitsu professor. I was laid off late September. It was a
shock and it wasn’t. I was ready to leave. Hell, I was ready to run from that
place. I was rotting fast. And so one day I was called into a meeting
begrudgingly and saw that it was packed with various people from other departments.
This wasn’t abnormal considering we often had “sales training” where companies
that we sell come in to babble about their products so we sell them more over
others. I went to those because I had to but only came out of them with some
free food or new pens/hilighters. This one time I got a whole chocolate bar
from Ecuador. So we’re all packed in this conference room, the same room I
spent my first three weeks at the company learning the programs I’d later
despise. Three weeks of training for that job. The vice President looks sad.
The human resources manager who I disliked goes ahead and flat out says, “We’re
restructuring the company and unfortunately your positions are no longer
needed.” Suddenly I was tearing up. I examined every single person’s face. They
were all blank. They didn’t look shocked or stunned or upset or angry or
worried. They just sat there. For some reason I get really sad when others
suffer. Regardless of the fact that these people, who have worked here for
decades, didn’t look very upset, I know that they were at that moment, losing
their whole life. Here I am, the youngest person at the company now working
part time, ready to move on anyway, balling up in tears for these people I
despised. I hated them for being so satisfied with this job. It was their
everything. Besides a family for some, these people woke up every day to come
to this boring, restraining office full of cubicles and weird people talking
about their kids all day. This was their excitement and driving force and it
was gone. I left barely able to stop myself from crying and then I went to
train.
The
following days I was at the academy every day all day. Given that I live 26
miles from the academy, it didn’t make sense to leave and come back for the
night classes so I lingered and made it home. Soon I was approached by Cobrinha
and his wife with a proposal for a job at the academy. Funny how things fall
into place. I knew the lay off was a blessing in disguise, I just didn’t know
how yet. Here it is.
I’m
currently on a plane home from Atlanta. I need a nice vacation away to see my
favorite person. While I was there, Jordon was competing in a Grappler’s Quest
and I decided to sign up since it was free for women. I ended up getting second
in advanced no gi, second in advanced no gi open (after getting kimura-ed in 9
seconds by an Alliance teammate) and first in gi. I hadn’t competed since I was
submitted my first match at Nationals. It takes a lot out of me when I lose.
While I was right on in Vegas, I couldn’t get my shit together for Nationals
and ended up being armbarred by a girl I had beat in Vegas. I hate relying on
“good days” and chalking up every loss to a “bad day.” There’s got to be a
better way to control it and I haven’t figured that out yet. I sound really
fuckin’ dumb when I talk about it because I am still a noob but regardless, it
is plaguing my results now.
Overall,
I’m a writer, a student, a crocheter, and now a marketer? I’m still writing
articles for various outlets. I’m crocheting beanies that are for sale for $20 (+ shipping when applicable) and slowly working on my zine. What’s important is
that I am constantly working towards something. I am always pushing forward,
ignoring negative people, ignoring those that are in my way. Buy a beanie. Bye.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Not long ago, I was laid off and searching for jobs on craigslist. I was in a hurry with the constant reminder from my parents that my car insurance would be due and the severance check I received would wear out especially with my jiu jitsu hobby. I came up on an ad for a Sports Injury Center nearby that was looking for an office admin to assist with physical therapy and such. It had just been posted and said to apply in person so I woke up early the next day and drove down there. I was interviewed on the spot and got the job.
Basically, the guy was creepy, he talked shit about people behind their backs, constantly controlled every aspect of his "girls," and his whole mode was "let me hire fit-looking girls and just have them do everything ever but not pay them a lot cause it's not like they have any real qualifications to be doing physical therapy but I'll make them think there's plenty of room for advancement and that what they're learning is valuable and that I really do care about them." I did laundry, put e-stim on people, faked that I knew what was wrong with the patients under his orders, cleaned, managed insurance billing, managed inventory, did customer service, the whole shabang. It got to the point that he was texting and calling me to talk about work on my off-days or when I had just left the office to say, "What should we do about the patient who's insurance isn't paying? He's totally a doofus, huh!?" And when I finally told him that I wasn't being paid enough to be constantly working even when I'm not at the office, he "demoted" me. Not long after I came in with a letter stating I was quitting and instead of talking to me in person, he had the new lady up front make sure I had a real signed letter and tell me that he "thanks me."
I think that was enough background for my intended story. One of his biggest clients (among the Disney execs, Ray J and Jermaine Jackson's wife) was this big ole gangster dude who apparently is Mayweather's promoter and sponsored people/girls and knew producers and had the inside scoop and knew the right people. After "Doc," as he was called, constantly bragged that I trained jiu jitsu to his patients and adamantly referred to me as "judo girl," this guy became interested telling me he'd sponsor me. I didn't actually believe him until I told him I was competing in Vegas for the 2010 Vegas Open and he came in one day and threw a hundred dollar bill onto the desk. He gave me his number, which was a voicemail only phone line. In order to get ahold of him, you had to call and leave a message. Then when he called back on a private number, you had to make sure you answered it since there was no way of calling him back directly. There was another girl in the office that had just started who was some weird chick aspiring to me a boxer/singer or something. She had an album from years before and this guy was inquiring to her, too. He was even helping the main bodybuilder dude in the gym get to Nationals or something. I knew he was legit in some form given that he was legitimately helping these other people achieve their goals.
So the next step after I got back from Vegas was to meet him at T.G.I.Friday's. He showed up with some other basketball model girl and other people kept showing up. Other girls that were either successful or getting there. Then the big dudes kept coming. Producers and the like. One guy had produced Christina Aguilera's albums among other names and the girl sitting next to me mentioned she was a singer and he had her singing on the spot. She was eating up the attention and I was sitting there, the only white person at the table feeling like I needed to get the fuck out. Nothing was really discussed but he asked if I had a bank account, needed my training fees covered, what I wanted from him and I left with it being pretty open ended but knew I'd be seeing him at the office. While no major promises were made, he was showing off his connections or something.
The next time he hit me up I met him to get dinner again. I figured that he was picking me up from where he told me to meet him so that we could meet up with another shitload of people. When we got to driving, we ended up at Chart House in Malibu. Just the two of us. As we had dinner he insisted on asking why I had never questioned his intentions or wanted to know more about him. He also wanted to know, again, what I wanted from him. The conversation was seriously awkward but I refused to believe it was the worst situation. I had proof this guy was real and enjoyed putting his money where he saw it would blossom. Why would I be any different? He proceeded to tell me that I just "have something about me" and I'm "unique" and "unlike all the other girls." He asked if I had bills that I needed paid and what I was willing to do in return. He wanted to be my sugar daddy. I played the dumb card and he tried hinting more and more. I finally just said I wasn't into that and he took me back to my car.
I at first refused to believe that I was being hit up to do sexual favors in exchange for being taken care of financially because I was looking for some sponsor to throw hundred dollar bills at me when I have a competition coming up. It was the most awkward situation I've ever been put into and at least now I know what I can kind of expect when someone's intent isn't true. At this point the only sponsor I'd be willing to have is Koral and for that, I've gotta bust my ass and win some world championships. Two (or many) goals in one as I see it and I am in no way in search of shortcuts to success, the easy way out, or an excuse to avoid hard work. The guy may have known Tupac and partied with him in the back room at the very restaurant he took me to, but sexually pleasing a 50-something fat worn out "producer" would be the last thing on my list of things I would do if my only choice was that or suicide. Nothing is that easy. Unless you sell your soul.
Basically, the guy was creepy, he talked shit about people behind their backs, constantly controlled every aspect of his "girls," and his whole mode was "let me hire fit-looking girls and just have them do everything ever but not pay them a lot cause it's not like they have any real qualifications to be doing physical therapy but I'll make them think there's plenty of room for advancement and that what they're learning is valuable and that I really do care about them." I did laundry, put e-stim on people, faked that I knew what was wrong with the patients under his orders, cleaned, managed insurance billing, managed inventory, did customer service, the whole shabang. It got to the point that he was texting and calling me to talk about work on my off-days or when I had just left the office to say, "What should we do about the patient who's insurance isn't paying? He's totally a doofus, huh!?" And when I finally told him that I wasn't being paid enough to be constantly working even when I'm not at the office, he "demoted" me. Not long after I came in with a letter stating I was quitting and instead of talking to me in person, he had the new lady up front make sure I had a real signed letter and tell me that he "thanks me."
I think that was enough background for my intended story. One of his biggest clients (among the Disney execs, Ray J and Jermaine Jackson's wife) was this big ole gangster dude who apparently is Mayweather's promoter and sponsored people/girls and knew producers and had the inside scoop and knew the right people. After "Doc," as he was called, constantly bragged that I trained jiu jitsu to his patients and adamantly referred to me as "judo girl," this guy became interested telling me he'd sponsor me. I didn't actually believe him until I told him I was competing in Vegas for the 2010 Vegas Open and he came in one day and threw a hundred dollar bill onto the desk. He gave me his number, which was a voicemail only phone line. In order to get ahold of him, you had to call and leave a message. Then when he called back on a private number, you had to make sure you answered it since there was no way of calling him back directly. There was another girl in the office that had just started who was some weird chick aspiring to me a boxer/singer or something. She had an album from years before and this guy was inquiring to her, too. He was even helping the main bodybuilder dude in the gym get to Nationals or something. I knew he was legit in some form given that he was legitimately helping these other people achieve their goals.
So the next step after I got back from Vegas was to meet him at T.G.I.Friday's. He showed up with some other basketball model girl and other people kept showing up. Other girls that were either successful or getting there. Then the big dudes kept coming. Producers and the like. One guy had produced Christina Aguilera's albums among other names and the girl sitting next to me mentioned she was a singer and he had her singing on the spot. She was eating up the attention and I was sitting there, the only white person at the table feeling like I needed to get the fuck out. Nothing was really discussed but he asked if I had a bank account, needed my training fees covered, what I wanted from him and I left with it being pretty open ended but knew I'd be seeing him at the office. While no major promises were made, he was showing off his connections or something.
The next time he hit me up I met him to get dinner again. I figured that he was picking me up from where he told me to meet him so that we could meet up with another shitload of people. When we got to driving, we ended up at Chart House in Malibu. Just the two of us. As we had dinner he insisted on asking why I had never questioned his intentions or wanted to know more about him. He also wanted to know, again, what I wanted from him. The conversation was seriously awkward but I refused to believe it was the worst situation. I had proof this guy was real and enjoyed putting his money where he saw it would blossom. Why would I be any different? He proceeded to tell me that I just "have something about me" and I'm "unique" and "unlike all the other girls." He asked if I had bills that I needed paid and what I was willing to do in return. He wanted to be my sugar daddy. I played the dumb card and he tried hinting more and more. I finally just said I wasn't into that and he took me back to my car.
I at first refused to believe that I was being hit up to do sexual favors in exchange for being taken care of financially because I was looking for some sponsor to throw hundred dollar bills at me when I have a competition coming up. It was the most awkward situation I've ever been put into and at least now I know what I can kind of expect when someone's intent isn't true. At this point the only sponsor I'd be willing to have is Koral and for that, I've gotta bust my ass and win some world championships. Two (or many) goals in one as I see it and I am in no way in search of shortcuts to success, the easy way out, or an excuse to avoid hard work. The guy may have known Tupac and partied with him in the back room at the very restaurant he took me to, but sexually pleasing a 50-something fat worn out "producer" would be the last thing on my list of things I would do if my only choice was that or suicide. Nothing is that easy. Unless you sell your soul.
Monday, September 5, 2011
I never intended this blog to be anything more than a typical training/competition log for my jiu jitsu life but it has turned into a diary of my endeavor in life as a whole. My trials and tribulations have not only to do with my injuries and losses but also my low tolerance levels for travel agents and my lack of motivation to write among other things. Through writing this blog I've really been able to find that writing is a huge passion of mine. Sharing the thoughts in my head and having people read them is satisfying beyond belief.
Like my preface in the original post of this blog, I have no credibility under my belt as a writer. Looking back, I took a liking to it growing up but I have no real story to tell. I don't have a degree, I didn't live through a heartfelt tragedy. I hold no moral codes or hidden truths. But I do feel that I can write.
Tonight I saw the movie The Help. It's about racial discrimination and a young woman determined to expose the life and perspectives of the black maids in the south back in the 1960s. It made me laugh and it made me cry but the best part was Emma Stone's role of a passionate, driven, unique-minded individual with the ability to write. By watching this, I know that I not only want to write for a living but I want to write a book that will make people feel and perhaps expose them to a reality or relate to me on a personal level.
Maybe I had a hard time getting people to listen to me as a child and that's the reason for my constant urge to splurge out my thoughts on a regular basis. I may talk about other people sometimes or constantly joke or even complain a lot but the intuition I hold and the ability I have to put my thoughts down in concrete form can and will get me far. Believe it or not, I have "shit" to say. When Romulo told me to go be a writer after seeing how excited and motivated I was about my zine's first issue, I was offended. I was upset from a loss and putting all of this weight on my shoulders to be undefeated early on. I took it as if he was telling me to give up on jiu jitsu and move on to this new direction I was taking but I understand it a little better now. Sure, I can compete in jiu jitsu but my true "thing", my niche is in writing. I'm an emotional person and in fact, the more sensitive I am to a subject whether it be anger, sadness guilt or sympathy, etc, the better I write. Research papers are not my forte. Opinions are. That's worth somethin', right?
Like my preface in the original post of this blog, I have no credibility under my belt as a writer. Looking back, I took a liking to it growing up but I have no real story to tell. I don't have a degree, I didn't live through a heartfelt tragedy. I hold no moral codes or hidden truths. But I do feel that I can write.
Tonight I saw the movie The Help. It's about racial discrimination and a young woman determined to expose the life and perspectives of the black maids in the south back in the 1960s. It made me laugh and it made me cry but the best part was Emma Stone's role of a passionate, driven, unique-minded individual with the ability to write. By watching this, I know that I not only want to write for a living but I want to write a book that will make people feel and perhaps expose them to a reality or relate to me on a personal level.
Maybe I had a hard time getting people to listen to me as a child and that's the reason for my constant urge to splurge out my thoughts on a regular basis. I may talk about other people sometimes or constantly joke or even complain a lot but the intuition I hold and the ability I have to put my thoughts down in concrete form can and will get me far. Believe it or not, I have "shit" to say. When Romulo told me to go be a writer after seeing how excited and motivated I was about my zine's first issue, I was offended. I was upset from a loss and putting all of this weight on my shoulders to be undefeated early on. I took it as if he was telling me to give up on jiu jitsu and move on to this new direction I was taking but I understand it a little better now. Sure, I can compete in jiu jitsu but my true "thing", my niche is in writing. I'm an emotional person and in fact, the more sensitive I am to a subject whether it be anger, sadness guilt or sympathy, etc, the better I write. Research papers are not my forte. Opinions are. That's worth somethin', right?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
These past 9 months of my life have been spent in a cubicle. I took off from school, I didn't go back after a semester like I had intended to and I remained a full-time employee for a wholesale travel company down the street taking calls and selling travel packages to snobby, lazy travel agents. About 2 months ago I was given the opportunity to change positions to be a part of the "custom" desk where, along with one other very seasoned individual, I would be getting quotes from our suppliers for items that were not already in our system. My daily tasks involve emails and that's pretty much it. I answer an email, forward it to a supplier, receive the quote after a day or two (or a week) and then I mark up the quote and give it to our agents to offer back to the travel agent. Yesterday I sent out a mere 7 emails, one of which was one word, and sat at my desk for 8 long hours. I applied for jobs, learned some HTML, fiddled with my wordpress website, edited some articles of mine and researched many many things on google such as anterior pelvic tilt and 100 best companies to work for in 2011.
Today I had the day off to see a chiropractor since my neck was tweaked at training and I needed some treatment so that I could properly check blind spots to the right of me again while driving. After, I figured I'd try to sit at a starbucks in order to tune out and finally get some work done on my zine. As I sat there, an old man came to sit near me on an opposite couch. He was quite aged with a near bare head decorated with dwindling white twines. His hands were shaky, and without a cap on his cup he spilled some of his drink on the floor without even noticing. As he sat down on the seat he seemed to have a little trouble and as his hand neared towards the coffee table holding my phone I was only worried about some more of his drink spilling onto my beloved possession. He finally got to his destination, bum firmly resting on its leather abode, and he looked peaceful. He had nowhere to be, or so it seemed. I stared at him wondering if he knew that in a matter of some odd years, he'd be dead. Maybe he stared at my feet just looking at my tattoos or maybe he was really pondering my young soul and how far he was from my stage in life. It was in that moment that I felt bad for him. Did he know? Did he realize that everything he had wanted to do in life had to have mostly been done already? I wanted to tell him, "hey, if you ever wanted to go skydiving, you better have done it already because there's no way in hell you'd be lively enough to accomplish that now!" Of course skydiving is just an adrenaline rush that most people consider a notch off their fun list but more to consider would be whether he had kids, got married, accomplished all his goals whatever they might be, became the man he had once aimed to be, surpassed the assholes he met that he never wanted to be. His time was running out.
My post isn't about this old man. This post is about the past year of my life and how much, at this very moment, I feel like that elder fellow coffee drinker. Given that I was working part time, or working elsewhere with better hours or had managed my money better, doesn't mean that I'd have published a book already, moved to Paris and found my soulmate. But I know that I would have gotten my zines done. Gotten my website well on its way. Competed more, traveled more, found more enjoyment in my life. Instead, I have damned myself to a hell full of middle aged fat people who have no dreams that exist beyond their monthly sales goals. Where the topic of conversation is their children. Where the excitement of their day is held in the hands of the rare nice travel agent who happened to make them laugh. I am not one of them. And it's not to say I am better or I am in the position to shit on their life but by all means, I will be better. I refuse to settle.
So I plan on quitting that job within the next two weeks and finding a retail or mindless part time job somewhere I don't feel stuck or sucked in. I start school next week and have never been so excited to start my life of improvement back up. I can't ever take back that year of my life. I now know what it feels like to have wasted time in a place where I don't belong that is truly bringing me down, telling me I can't. When I started working there I decorated my cubicle with some ripped out ad pages from a GracieMag and two of my medals to try and remind myself why I am there. When I moved cubicles to the department I'm in now, I added a photo of myself from Pan Ams and the brochure I received the day I walked into Cobrinha's academy but it does not do justice to remind me of my life outside of that restricted environment. In fact, the only thing it earns me is coworkers starting conversations regarding their 7 year old in tae kwon do and non-funny "jokes" involving me being a bodyguard if one should ever need it. The sooner I leave, the sooner I can regain my mojo.
I hope no one should ever feel that their work is unfinished. Death will come to us all and the feeling of a time bomb or an hour glass on its final ounce of grains should not be involved when it does. Whatever you're putting off, I hope you do it soon. Whatever I am fit to be, I hope I figure it out soon and run towards it full force. It really is the only way to live.
Today I had the day off to see a chiropractor since my neck was tweaked at training and I needed some treatment so that I could properly check blind spots to the right of me again while driving. After, I figured I'd try to sit at a starbucks in order to tune out and finally get some work done on my zine. As I sat there, an old man came to sit near me on an opposite couch. He was quite aged with a near bare head decorated with dwindling white twines. His hands were shaky, and without a cap on his cup he spilled some of his drink on the floor without even noticing. As he sat down on the seat he seemed to have a little trouble and as his hand neared towards the coffee table holding my phone I was only worried about some more of his drink spilling onto my beloved possession. He finally got to his destination, bum firmly resting on its leather abode, and he looked peaceful. He had nowhere to be, or so it seemed. I stared at him wondering if he knew that in a matter of some odd years, he'd be dead. Maybe he stared at my feet just looking at my tattoos or maybe he was really pondering my young soul and how far he was from my stage in life. It was in that moment that I felt bad for him. Did he know? Did he realize that everything he had wanted to do in life had to have mostly been done already? I wanted to tell him, "hey, if you ever wanted to go skydiving, you better have done it already because there's no way in hell you'd be lively enough to accomplish that now!" Of course skydiving is just an adrenaline rush that most people consider a notch off their fun list but more to consider would be whether he had kids, got married, accomplished all his goals whatever they might be, became the man he had once aimed to be, surpassed the assholes he met that he never wanted to be. His time was running out.
My post isn't about this old man. This post is about the past year of my life and how much, at this very moment, I feel like that elder fellow coffee drinker. Given that I was working part time, or working elsewhere with better hours or had managed my money better, doesn't mean that I'd have published a book already, moved to Paris and found my soulmate. But I know that I would have gotten my zines done. Gotten my website well on its way. Competed more, traveled more, found more enjoyment in my life. Instead, I have damned myself to a hell full of middle aged fat people who have no dreams that exist beyond their monthly sales goals. Where the topic of conversation is their children. Where the excitement of their day is held in the hands of the rare nice travel agent who happened to make them laugh. I am not one of them. And it's not to say I am better or I am in the position to shit on their life but by all means, I will be better. I refuse to settle.
So I plan on quitting that job within the next two weeks and finding a retail or mindless part time job somewhere I don't feel stuck or sucked in. I start school next week and have never been so excited to start my life of improvement back up. I can't ever take back that year of my life. I now know what it feels like to have wasted time in a place where I don't belong that is truly bringing me down, telling me I can't. When I started working there I decorated my cubicle with some ripped out ad pages from a GracieMag and two of my medals to try and remind myself why I am there. When I moved cubicles to the department I'm in now, I added a photo of myself from Pan Ams and the brochure I received the day I walked into Cobrinha's academy but it does not do justice to remind me of my life outside of that restricted environment. In fact, the only thing it earns me is coworkers starting conversations regarding their 7 year old in tae kwon do and non-funny "jokes" involving me being a bodyguard if one should ever need it. The sooner I leave, the sooner I can regain my mojo.
I hope no one should ever feel that their work is unfinished. Death will come to us all and the feeling of a time bomb or an hour glass on its final ounce of grains should not be involved when it does. Whatever you're putting off, I hope you do it soon. Whatever I am fit to be, I hope I figure it out soon and run towards it full force. It really is the only way to live.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I think I’m finally on a good path. This past weekend I went to Las Vegas for the IBJJF Las Vegas International Open. I competed in this tournament last year and received my blue belt on the podium from Romulo and it was a really great experience. However, this time gave the previous a run for its money. I had a few goals I was planning to accomplish and each one that I achieved felt amazing.
Drop from lightweight to featherweight
Win featherweight division
Win open weight.
I have always walked around at about 135. I lost weight when I started jiu jitsu but due to some muscle gain, I generally stayed the same weight. At this year’s Pan Ams I had to watch my weight/cut just to get to lightweight which is 141 with the gi. After starting to work with weights/being conscious of the crap I was putting in my mouth, I was down to around 132 recently so I decided to make the drop to featherweight. On three separate occasions, I rolled with girls who were feather or just lighter than me and they weren’t nearly as much of a threat to me than girls at my weight and up. It was a pretty significant note made in my head each time I was faced with these girls and so I finally got it in me to drop the sweets. I started dieting/working out more and more over about 2 1/2- 3 weeks but wasn’t noticing much difference. In fact, three days before my Vegas departure I was really worried and planned to be sitting in the sauna for hours. Once we were in Vegas and I took some exlax (I have never been so excited to poop before) I was on point. I ended up weighing in at 127.5. (Feather is 129 with the gi) and it was a shock. I didn’t feel too dehydrated or weak. I could have gone home then and there feeling satisfied with the completion of my weigh cut/loss. But of course, I had more goals to accomplish.
My first match was against Marisol Romero, a really tough 14 year old from Drysdale’s that I had gone against at Vegas Trials. No matter what happens, win or lose, she is stoked to be there and immediately congratulates/praises you—truly a grateful kid. I pulled guard, she attempted a pass and I slapped on a triangle and finished her with an armbar in 30 seconds. My teammates and myself all went “what just happened?” I was off to a great start. Second match I really felt the weight cut. I think I puked in my mouth a bit. It was against a GB girl that I’ve taken classes with in the past. I swept right away, had issues with being in her guard and she closed it up. I stood up a couple times, she went for an armbar and I flipped her over where she turtled. I could not get my other hook in nor the seatbelt even. She was tightened up like a shriveled something or other. Super frustrating. I ended up getting in side control or something. It was a blur. Time ran out and I was up by a couple points. Third match was against a girl that beat me in open weight at Vegas Trials. Really nice, awesome girl. We went at each other like mad women. She kept coming forward and driving her knee in like a knee slice pass but I she neglected to kill my feet on her biceps beforehand so I just kept throwing her over. Got some advantages for sweep attempts since I guess I wasn’t sitting up enough and she would stand up when I got her over. It was mostly just spider guard the whole time and then I finally came up and she got me in an omoplata and the match ended.. Mission #2 completed, featherweight champion.
After my teammate Karna won her lightweight division, in great fashion with an RNC, we were iffy about open. Most of the girls I had talked to were the same. It was like, “hey you doing the open!?” “ehhh, I guess” We signed up and waited for the announcement to start warming up a few hours later. My first match was against an awesome girl Erica that I’ve mentioned in my blog before. She was at my first tournament and I beat her at Vegas Trials. It’s always the same girls! Karna had already won her on points in her division and now it was my turn. She was really tough and strong but kept driving her hips forward in my spider guard and I took her over my head. She made a weird noise since she landed on her head and I asked if she was okay and she said yeah so the match continued. Match was basically me trying to keep side control and take the back. Second match was a girl I used to train with at GB, the sweetest girl. It felt like we were training at GB HQ again during our match, I won on points. After this, Karna had won two and was in the finals due to a by and all I had to do was win this next match and we could close it out. This match was with a girl from mediumweight and I played my guard, tried to get the back all awkward and it totally failed. Then after having her in closed guard I opened it and threw her on top of me into side control. I have no idea why. I still had my foot on her bicep so I recovered and slapped a triangle in. Pulled the head, got the tap and did a spaghetti arm dance. It felt awesome. I jumped on Karna and celebrated.
My trip has soooo many other details that aren’t worth mentioning. In fact, my play by play probably isn’t very exciting to read. But I am ecstatic that I am finally headed in the right direction. I’m staying at featherweight and will continue to work out/get strong/thin/healthy. I have a million things to work on for American Nationals next month. I am super sloppy and I am still relying on wiggling out of things. Obviously Cobrinha has helped me transcend thus far, so I can only get better and better from here. Once school starts I’ll have two days out of the week where I can go in early to the academy and drill drill drill.
As far as everything else, I have a Ryan Hall interview up on Budo and I even got in an article of my own on Graciemag where for once, I was the one being interviewed. Zine three will be out shortly I swear! And school starts in two weeks. Life is great.
http://www.graciemag.com/en/2011/08/the-women-take-to-the-mats-in-las-vegas/
http://www.budovideos.com/online/bjj-news/ryan-hall-on-training-with-everyone/
Drop from lightweight to featherweight
Win featherweight division
Win open weight.
I have always walked around at about 135. I lost weight when I started jiu jitsu but due to some muscle gain, I generally stayed the same weight. At this year’s Pan Ams I had to watch my weight/cut just to get to lightweight which is 141 with the gi. After starting to work with weights/being conscious of the crap I was putting in my mouth, I was down to around 132 recently so I decided to make the drop to featherweight. On three separate occasions, I rolled with girls who were feather or just lighter than me and they weren’t nearly as much of a threat to me than girls at my weight and up. It was a pretty significant note made in my head each time I was faced with these girls and so I finally got it in me to drop the sweets. I started dieting/working out more and more over about 2 1/2- 3 weeks but wasn’t noticing much difference. In fact, three days before my Vegas departure I was really worried and planned to be sitting in the sauna for hours. Once we were in Vegas and I took some exlax (I have never been so excited to poop before) I was on point. I ended up weighing in at 127.5. (Feather is 129 with the gi) and it was a shock. I didn’t feel too dehydrated or weak. I could have gone home then and there feeling satisfied with the completion of my weigh cut/loss. But of course, I had more goals to accomplish.
My first match was against Marisol Romero, a really tough 14 year old from Drysdale’s that I had gone against at Vegas Trials. No matter what happens, win or lose, she is stoked to be there and immediately congratulates/praises you—truly a grateful kid. I pulled guard, she attempted a pass and I slapped on a triangle and finished her with an armbar in 30 seconds. My teammates and myself all went “what just happened?” I was off to a great start. Second match I really felt the weight cut. I think I puked in my mouth a bit. It was against a GB girl that I’ve taken classes with in the past. I swept right away, had issues with being in her guard and she closed it up. I stood up a couple times, she went for an armbar and I flipped her over where she turtled. I could not get my other hook in nor the seatbelt even. She was tightened up like a shriveled something or other. Super frustrating. I ended up getting in side control or something. It was a blur. Time ran out and I was up by a couple points. Third match was against a girl that beat me in open weight at Vegas Trials. Really nice, awesome girl. We went at each other like mad women. She kept coming forward and driving her knee in like a knee slice pass but I she neglected to kill my feet on her biceps beforehand so I just kept throwing her over. Got some advantages for sweep attempts since I guess I wasn’t sitting up enough and she would stand up when I got her over. It was mostly just spider guard the whole time and then I finally came up and she got me in an omoplata and the match ended.. Mission #2 completed, featherweight champion.
After my teammate Karna won her lightweight division, in great fashion with an RNC, we were iffy about open. Most of the girls I had talked to were the same. It was like, “hey you doing the open!?” “ehhh, I guess” We signed up and waited for the announcement to start warming up a few hours later. My first match was against an awesome girl Erica that I’ve mentioned in my blog before. She was at my first tournament and I beat her at Vegas Trials. It’s always the same girls! Karna had already won her on points in her division and now it was my turn. She was really tough and strong but kept driving her hips forward in my spider guard and I took her over my head. She made a weird noise since she landed on her head and I asked if she was okay and she said yeah so the match continued. Match was basically me trying to keep side control and take the back. Second match was a girl I used to train with at GB, the sweetest girl. It felt like we were training at GB HQ again during our match, I won on points. After this, Karna had won two and was in the finals due to a by and all I had to do was win this next match and we could close it out. This match was with a girl from mediumweight and I played my guard, tried to get the back all awkward and it totally failed. Then after having her in closed guard I opened it and threw her on top of me into side control. I have no idea why. I still had my foot on her bicep so I recovered and slapped a triangle in. Pulled the head, got the tap and did a spaghetti arm dance. It felt awesome. I jumped on Karna and celebrated.
My trip has soooo many other details that aren’t worth mentioning. In fact, my play by play probably isn’t very exciting to read. But I am ecstatic that I am finally headed in the right direction. I’m staying at featherweight and will continue to work out/get strong/thin/healthy. I have a million things to work on for American Nationals next month. I am super sloppy and I am still relying on wiggling out of things. Obviously Cobrinha has helped me transcend thus far, so I can only get better and better from here. Once school starts I’ll have two days out of the week where I can go in early to the academy and drill drill drill.
As far as everything else, I have a Ryan Hall interview up on Budo and I even got in an article of my own on Graciemag where for once, I was the one being interviewed. Zine three will be out shortly I swear! And school starts in two weeks. Life is great.
http://www.graciemag.com/en/2011/08/the-women-take-to-the-mats-in-las-vegas/
http://www.budovideos.com/online/bjj-news/ryan-hall-on-training-with-everyone/
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Self Improvement
Due to some influence from driven people around me and a new perspective on life in general, the idea of self improvement has become increasingly more important to me. I used to wonder what my purpose or anyone's purpose was in life. I thought that one person had to be a contributer to society in order to really possess value in my eyes. Anyone who was partying or sitting on the couch everyday was a piece of shit. I thought as long as I wasn't that, then I was okay but I was still lacking. I realized that someone needs to be constantly progressing. Never settle. It's a bit comical considering the way my mind processed that phrase before had more to do with being single but now it holds so much more meaning. We should be constantly creating new goals, reaching for our existing ones and never being satisfied with our past performances. (I stole that last idea.) I may not know what I want to do with my life and I may lose focus easy but if I can accomplish something every single day, use my waking hours to some sort of benefit, I can be worthy of life. Living is not about appreciating the sun or "natural beauties". It's not about appreciating others and love. Don't wake up and tell someone you love them. Wake up and tell yourself that today you will move forward. Wake up and decide how you will make yourself worthy of that heart beat. For those who waste away and don't take full advantage of the life that they've been given, the value that you place on yourself will reflect on others and ultimately, you're missing out.
A couple days ago I impulsively went to Borders to capitalize on the close out sales that were happening due to its unfortunate demise. If Borders can’t get a buyer I can’t imagine the fate of other large companies. I don’t think the value of books is decreasing but the value of knowledge and physical copies. I’m never getting a kindle. Anyway, I read a book called “A Millionaire by Thirty” by Alan Corey front to back that same day. It’s really about being an extremist and penny-pinching and investing but the author resembles anyone looking towards a goal. I read it with jiu jitsu and writing in mind. You must never lose sight even if being a black belt is still about 6 years away. He became a millionaire by simply (okay it wasn’t THAT simple) educating himself about investments and finance, being a cheapskate, sucking it up/holding out at his 9-5 shitty day job , ignoring whatever anyone else said about his progress and perhaps ridiculous goal and resisting temptation. Every single day was spent working towards becoming a millionaire if only a penny. There may not be concrete numbers involved with jiu jitsu that can be easily calculated but the hours of training can definitely accumulate and show through competition results and belt promotions. If I can suck up each day, drive my 40 minutes to training, learn and apply my techniques, maintain my diet and basically work hard as fuck, I will accomplish not only being a black belt but becoming a world champion.
I’ve spent the past few months figuring out how I can constantly improve. At this point I’ve relied on daily to-do lists just so that I can come home feeling like I did something and that today, I am better than I was yesterday. I try to get all of my tasks done in a timely manner and the ability to physically pass a line through a task on a piece of paper really aids in that. My latest have been:
-Renew license online. Check.
-Register for Vegas Open. Check.
-Send Bruno Malfacine Interview to Budo Dave. Check.
-Create website for zine. Check.
-Put out zine #3. Not yet.
My training has been fairly consistent but lacking. Now’s about the time I should start stepping it up since the Vegas Open is less than a month away and I’ve registered as featherweight. I’ve got about 5 pounds and I want to be walking around at that weight rather than be forced to cut. A couple weeks ago I flew to Atlanta and stayed with Jordon. He helped me with a work out plan and as soon as I got back I restarted at the gym near my house. It consists strictly of deadlifts, benchpress, front squats and grip exercises. I trust his knowledge and it is a tremendous help to feel like I’m making progress even if I don’t feel it. I never went to the gym before because I never really knew what to do and even if I did a bunch of things, I never knew when it was enough or how much because there’s no instant results. By trusting Jordon’s judgment I can get in there and out without hesitation about whether results will show. I’ve been going about twice a week generally and plan to step it up to three this week starting today.
On another note, I’m starting university again next month and I cannot wait. My hours at work will be minimized and I do not mind. I will be able to train still and advance myself every single day. Really, just the thought of having my daytime hours to myself even for two weekdays makes me ecstatic. The 29th of August needs to approach faster.
Yesterday I had an audition with MTV regarding a new life improvement show. I spent one of my working days applying to whatever casting I could find. When I got the voicemail the same day my 12 year old self giggled. I auditioned as a dependent jiu jitsu athlete who wants to not only become world champion but grow up essentially. Not exactly a great twist but the girls interviewing me seemed to enjoy learning about the sport. And even if I’m not considered for the show, the producers will know what jiu jitsu is all about by the time they’re done watching my audition tape. In that small chance I do end up on TV I can spread jiu jitsu even more. It'd be really cool.
My newest goals will be winning the Vegas Open on August 13th, losing about 6 pounds or so, saving/investing my money, getting more writing jobs, getting my zine issue 3 out, advance my website, do well in school.
If anyone can give me some business advice, help with distributing the zine, know anything about website design or want to give me more writing jobs don't hesitate to contact me.
Bruno Malfacine Interview
Pulling Guard Zine Website
How to Prepare for an Interview with a Successful Individual
A couple days ago I impulsively went to Borders to capitalize on the close out sales that were happening due to its unfortunate demise. If Borders can’t get a buyer I can’t imagine the fate of other large companies. I don’t think the value of books is decreasing but the value of knowledge and physical copies. I’m never getting a kindle. Anyway, I read a book called “A Millionaire by Thirty” by Alan Corey front to back that same day. It’s really about being an extremist and penny-pinching and investing but the author resembles anyone looking towards a goal. I read it with jiu jitsu and writing in mind. You must never lose sight even if being a black belt is still about 6 years away. He became a millionaire by simply (okay it wasn’t THAT simple) educating himself about investments and finance, being a cheapskate, sucking it up/holding out at his 9-5 shitty day job , ignoring whatever anyone else said about his progress and perhaps ridiculous goal and resisting temptation. Every single day was spent working towards becoming a millionaire if only a penny. There may not be concrete numbers involved with jiu jitsu that can be easily calculated but the hours of training can definitely accumulate and show through competition results and belt promotions. If I can suck up each day, drive my 40 minutes to training, learn and apply my techniques, maintain my diet and basically work hard as fuck, I will accomplish not only being a black belt but becoming a world champion.
I’ve spent the past few months figuring out how I can constantly improve. At this point I’ve relied on daily to-do lists just so that I can come home feeling like I did something and that today, I am better than I was yesterday. I try to get all of my tasks done in a timely manner and the ability to physically pass a line through a task on a piece of paper really aids in that. My latest have been:
-Renew license online. Check.
-Register for Vegas Open. Check.
-Send Bruno Malfacine Interview to Budo Dave. Check.
-Create website for zine. Check.
-Put out zine #3. Not yet.
My training has been fairly consistent but lacking. Now’s about the time I should start stepping it up since the Vegas Open is less than a month away and I’ve registered as featherweight. I’ve got about 5 pounds and I want to be walking around at that weight rather than be forced to cut. A couple weeks ago I flew to Atlanta and stayed with Jordon. He helped me with a work out plan and as soon as I got back I restarted at the gym near my house. It consists strictly of deadlifts, benchpress, front squats and grip exercises. I trust his knowledge and it is a tremendous help to feel like I’m making progress even if I don’t feel it. I never went to the gym before because I never really knew what to do and even if I did a bunch of things, I never knew when it was enough or how much because there’s no instant results. By trusting Jordon’s judgment I can get in there and out without hesitation about whether results will show. I’ve been going about twice a week generally and plan to step it up to three this week starting today.
On another note, I’m starting university again next month and I cannot wait. My hours at work will be minimized and I do not mind. I will be able to train still and advance myself every single day. Really, just the thought of having my daytime hours to myself even for two weekdays makes me ecstatic. The 29th of August needs to approach faster.
Yesterday I had an audition with MTV regarding a new life improvement show. I spent one of my working days applying to whatever casting I could find. When I got the voicemail the same day my 12 year old self giggled. I auditioned as a dependent jiu jitsu athlete who wants to not only become world champion but grow up essentially. Not exactly a great twist but the girls interviewing me seemed to enjoy learning about the sport. And even if I’m not considered for the show, the producers will know what jiu jitsu is all about by the time they’re done watching my audition tape. In that small chance I do end up on TV I can spread jiu jitsu even more. It'd be really cool.
My newest goals will be winning the Vegas Open on August 13th, losing about 6 pounds or so, saving/investing my money, getting more writing jobs, getting my zine issue 3 out, advance my website, do well in school.
If anyone can give me some business advice, help with distributing the zine, know anything about website design or want to give me more writing jobs don't hesitate to contact me.
Bruno Malfacine Interview
Pulling Guard Zine Website
How to Prepare for an Interview with a Successful Individual
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