What role am I today? Oh, all three!

I play many roles. We all do. Role theory has been around for centuries and it plays off the idea that we are constantly attending to social roles that we have either been given or we have assumed. These roles determine how we act and behave, how we are seen by others and how we portray ourselves. But how can we know each other so well when our roles are so conflicting? How can others get to know us as a whole if they only know a small amount of the roles we play? This is my issue and how I am dealing with it determines my success.

I believe that my main roles are that of student, jiu jitsu competitor and writer. Those are in no particular order not because I don't have priorities but because they all equally share my time. To be honest, I cannot be more than one of those roles at any given moment. And although I may write about jiu jitsu, and one may influence the other, I am either one or the other.

I struggle with the fact that each identity has me building relationships as one type of person while I may really want to get to know a person based on a different role. But at the time I am in their presence I am stuck. And my goals are specific to each role however the time, effort and heart that I place in each must all be sacrificed for the others.

As a student, I should set my priority as school first. After all, my mom is helping me out by paying for my schooling and any slacking off would surely be a form of disrespect. But my heart is not in my education. If you know me at all, my worth is not found in the form of a letter grade and a classroom is not where I learn my most important life lessons. This is not who I am. However, assuming the role of being a college student places a burden that I am expected to deal with. And not just deal with, but perform with. I've got this literally, heavy as shit backpack of books and laptop and notebooks and I have to maintain my composure. I have to keep going. Because taking off semesters has caused me to be here since 2007. I still have two more years to go if I want to complete my education. It is the completion that drives me to do this, not the degree itself. But it is my goal to complete it and once it is set, it must be accomplished.

The most confliction I have resides within the world of jiu jitsu. It is not common to be an active competitor with goals of being a world champion as well as being part of jiu jitsu press with goals of being the best writer of jiu jitsu. I want to capture the best moments and I want to experience them. Because they both take up so much time as well as interfere with each other, I am usually one or the other. You can always tell which side my focus  has claimed based on my personal appearance. Working out a lot? I'm probably training twice a day. Flabby? I'm probably writing a crapload and interviewing like crazy. Sometimes my brain is the one being exercised, not my muscle memory.

But how can I manage it all?

I am currently being put to the test. This past weekend I attended two major jiu jitsu events. But not to compete. Not to enjoy as a spectator. I was there to cover events-- to interview, to report, to make sense of it all and to give people the feeling that they were there, without using a camera. I was press for Metamoris and I was able to experience two press conferences. At the ADCC Trials I got to interview some big names. But I haven't trained in a week. And I didn't study for my midterm. I was writing and networking and recording and actively watching, trying to remember everything I could about the feeling of being there, the emotions that were displayed and the history that was made. My mind wasn't on my literary criticism and theory. So I drove home after the event Sunday night and I got home after 2 and a half hours of driving where I studied for an hour. Then I woke up early and I studied for more. My midterm was hell but I can only hope that I displayed enough knowledge as it exploded through my pen and onto the 7 pages I hurriedly scribbled down for 75 straight minutes. 

And did I mention I am signed up to compete at the Nogi Worlds in two weeks? Did I tell you that I haven't trained much at all and I am not in shape? But my heart is on the mat and that's where I left it when I placed second at the world championships in June. My heart will always be in jiu jitsu whether it's off the mat or on but my true love will forever be in the spotlight-- as a performer, as a doer, an applier, a protagonist. 

Setting an example is more than just talking about it. I want to apply my theories, my analysis and my knowledge. I gain so much from interviewing the greatest people in my sport. I gain awareness and I can only hope that I can apply it. 

Know me as a doer. Know me as a thinker. And most importantly, know me as a successful individual. I am building my legacy and I've chosen to do so through many routes but all will lead to a fulfilled, happy life full of rich, healthy and righteous rewards. I don't care about being famous, I don't care about making money, I care about making a difference. I care about inspiring. I care about setting standards, I care about establishing my place in history and leaving my mark on and off the mat. For those who have been helping me along the way I am forever grateful and intend to be as beneficial as you have been to me. And for those who don't care to add to my life in anyway, kindly step aside.

Thanks Mike Calimbas for the picture! Check out his photography at www.mikecalimbas.com