I learned about a year and a half into my training that sometimes it's not your day and that some days its your turn to help someone else. This was before I had gotten really into competition. I was still a blue belt at Romulo's and being heavily influenced by someone that would eventually run my whole life. I guess this was the beginning of that control but looking back it was probably the most "human" thing he ever said to me. For reference, I usually had to tell HIM how to deal with people and when I taught him the word "apology" and the application, he turned it into a way to tell me what I don't do well.. like apologize and how good it feels to do so, how I need to do more of it to be considered a good person. Ironically, it's a lack of knowledge of how to be a good person that is lost on people in the community today. Or at least the sport aspect of the community.
Anyway, I see this every day. I help my teammates whenever I can. I give someone advice often, I let people vent, I guide people to follow what I do in terms of building a website and starting a blog. I tell people about Ritalin because I take it myself and because I've made that known, people come to me about it. I try to be as transparent as possible in order to never misguide people and share the knowledge that I know. For this, I never expect repayment in terms of reciprocating from the people that I help because I know I can't control what people do and how they will react. But expecting to be treated in a positive way and gain something from others is an expectation that I can't help but believe in because believing otherwise would make me a pessimistic grump in solitude.
And on the contrary, I cut people off on the road. I don't always get back to people who email me, I throw temper tantrums, I write posts on a magazine site because I get paid to do so (oh wait I did that for years before I actually got paid.)
There is a balance and a very delicate one at that. Everyone's balance is different and
EVERYONE HAS A LIMIT, IT JUST DIFFERENTIATES WHERE THAT LIMIT LAYS.
The amount of leeway we give someone to be selfish is directly dependent upon how much we value that person and our understanding of respect.
Respect isn't just "please" and "thank you." Anyone can say those words and get through life but real respect is taking the time to understand someone and allow them to be themselves. That's part of respect that I believe is most misunderstood.
Allowing someone to be angry is respect. If you take it personal and immediately scorn someone for being angry or upset in your presence instead of allowing them to have those emotions freely, it is a disrespect.
Giving someone the time of day is respect.
Furthermore, gold medals and winning aren't everything. It is everything in JIU-JITSU if you are a serious competitor but it is not worth more than everything in life and does not negate a level of disrespect that I see embellished, embodied and encouraged on the trek to the gold.
You are and will be held accountable for your actions outside of the realm you think you're entitled to act selfishly within and any morally wrong acts you take part in will be judged, not within that realm, but upon general moral standards. It doesn't take a jiu-jitsu black belt to know when someone is knowingly hurting others to benefit themselves in training. It doesn't take a college English professor to know that someone is infringing on copyrighted material and that it's wrong. When something is morally wrong inside or outside a situation, you are held accountable for those judgements and possible consequences that may unfold thereafter. And witnessing something you can possibly affect in terms of immorality in your immediate realms, it'd be a really good and right thing to take action.
It's crazy how such hyperfocus can make people think they are relieved of being a GOOD PERSON. Above all, you can never escape the "burden" of being a good person. Because sometimes, often, a hell-of-a-lot of the time it is a burden as it takes a lot out of us. It's simply easier to be an asshole.
And again, there's a blurred line and a delicate balance and an indefinite limit that surrounds the definition of a good person but we all have internal justice systems and knowing what is wrong and what is right isn't a hard task to follow. If you don't know, it's the responsibility of others to let you in on what makes the world go round.
I'm not asking to be superheros or perfect. I'm an asshole sometimes and I'm selfish sometimes but above all I understand the line between success and success at a huge cost, regardless of whether that cost is ever acknowledged. I can't forget that gold medals and lots of money and fame will provide me with fulfilled goals and a checklist of attained accomplishments because it drives me but stepping on others to do so won't get me far and it's a route that won't allow me to last long.
I don't know, maybe you shouldn't listen to me because maybe I'm just a 97%er.
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