Cobrinha

With everything going on in my life the past couple months or so, the drama has been surrounding my personal life more so than my jiu jitsu journey. There’s only so much information that people want to hear regarding doctor visits, boy problems and speeding tickets. Or none at all… Basically I’ve been adjusting to the new gym and trying to grow up. I’ve trained every night except for one and the time I went to Dallas. A week ago I returned from Tejas with a gold medal that I feel I barely earned. I flew out to Dallas to meet Jordon and Alec from Atlanta for the IBJJF Dallas Open. I saw it as a way to see where I’m at since switching schools. Sporting my new Alliance patch and with no coach and at some random gym with the name “Kitty McGee” in the middle of humid Denton, Tx I felt like I was just completely on my own. It was just another instance lately where I had to grow up. Maybe I sound a little immature but I was definitely spoiled and babied at my old team compared to Cobrinha’s. Everyone is respected and there’s no goofing off except if someone farts or Fabio sways his hips better than J-Lo while teaching a technique. That’s always funny. I had two other girls in my bracket in Dallas but one didn’t make weight which I found out later. My first and only fight was against I think a Lloyd Irvin girl. I pulled guard (shocking, amirite?) and got a triangle right away. I adjusted but she framed a bit and had her other hand still inside. I tried angling and hooking her leg and then pulling her head down and I couldn’t get the tap. I tried pulling the elbow of the hand that was still inside and she was pinning it so that didn’t work. Swept to mount and she squeezed her little head out and I was gassed which made me disgusted. I played guard and she passed and I swept and then we stood up, I pulled guard again and then time ran out. It felt really really horrible to have won that way and my technique was atrocious. Not a great way to rep the new team. Anyway, we waited around and I saw the others fight and blah blah blah. Texas is humid and gross and desolate and boring and dead. I never want to go back.

Cobrinha’s has been a definite step in the right direction. His techniques require serious mental notage and makes me realize every technique I learned before him was the cliff notes version. He has an answer for every situation and will answer them anytime. He loves to teach. When he shows a technique he goes from start to finish and it feels like it never ends. Here I am taking bullet points of all the moves in my head and the list will go to about 20 for every technique. He walks around and makes sure everyone gets the move exactly how he intends and any trouble you may have he will jump right in and let you do the move on him to see exactly where you went wrong. I can’t ask for a better teacher. The first Saturday class I attended was the first day he came back from Abu Dhabi. After a vigorous 2 hour training he had us get in lines with one person in the middle and have us run through that person for 2 minutes, no breaks just one person after the other. After the 2nd training we did strength and conditioning in which he turned into a drill sergeant. He may only weigh 62 kilos but he has such stature and professionalism that you never want him to feel disrespected. As far as my training partners, they are all there to win. We have about 4 white belts, a lot of blues, a handful of purple and about 3 brown belts and one other black belt who trains with us who weighs less than me and is awesome. I get killed every night and the different games that were produced at other academies allow for me to have a variety of different rolls. Some love deep half, some are great at passing and others have a really dangerous guard. Either way the intensity is always on high. The best part is that there’s another blue belt girl that I love training with regularly. The other great part is that I’ve been able to keep everything professional and my training partners stay training partners. No opportunities for others to know my personal business which is a mistake I made at my old academy. With worlds well on its way I get to prepare with Malfacine, the Langhi brothers and others. Hopefully I can pull everything together to ensure my spot on the podium, I plan on leaving it all on the mat.


P.S. I've got interviews on the way from Gabi Garcia and Braga Neto and possibly Nick Diaz.

P.S.S.
My favorite person to see every day:

Pan Ams 2011, Alliance

Let’s see. Back in March for Pan Ams I was only training 3 days a week maybe, was fat and had to starve myself to make weight. Unfortunately my work didn’t allow me the days off and I had to work on the Thursday and then from 6-10am on Friday—the day I was competing. With nothing in my stomach, not nearly enough sleep and no coffee to keep me awake, I miraculously worked my shift and my friend Jessi chauffeured me to the tournament in Irvine. Yay carpool lane.

So I got there and weighed in and was a little under. I had room for some banana! So I warmed up with my friend Jessica Eve Richer (remember that name) from New York and waited for my name in the bullpen. I wasn’t very nervous and my first match was against some girl from some team I had never heard of. I jumped guard, which I’ve never done in competition before. I played some spider and got an armbar where the girl was tapping but I let up before the ref called it. Abort. Got up, passed, remembered a choke that my training partner had taught me two days before that involved using my own lapel over her neck and turning my body to north south. Success. With my first match over, Romulo rushed me out of the barriers to lay down and rest. He got me water, yelled at me for texting and even told my annoying teammate to leave me the hell alone. It was awesome. Second match was against a girl that I had just met while waiting. She held my water and ipod while I tied my belt and fixed my hair. It was nice (HA) and then I realized I was going against her. In my head I thought “this girl wears too much make-up and smells too good, I must beat her.” I spent the match just gaining point after point. Sweep, pass, knee on belly, mount, half guard to pass, to mount to a cross choke from mount. Next match was my friend Sam from Paragon. I pulled guard, swept, had some trouble passing and my balance was compromised a bit. She got into deep half and I somehow managed to stay on top and pass. Romulo tried telling me that I needed to be sitting on the other side of her head but he didn’t explain it right and I ended up looking at him with a confused look while almost doing the splits. Anyway, I got in side control and she would not stay down. She kept trying to sit up and it was exhausting and near the end of the match she reversed me but I was able to get my legs under to recover an upside down guard and snatch her arm for the armbar. Three submissions, felt good. Before the final match I had a lot of time to rest and get ready. I knew it was the girl from Las Vegas Abu Dhabi trials and her only pass was double unders. Guess what she went for? I was able to maintain my guard for awhile but her pressure was so much and my legs went over my head. She got my back and I tapped to the choke. I also had a temper tantrum because she held it for so long. We cool though. So I placed second and it was alright.

End of that weekend I tagged along with the company I was with over to Cobrinha’s grand opening. A week later I left Romulo’s and signed up at Cobrinha’s. As much as I look up to Romulo and appreciate everything he has ever done for me (which is a shitload), I am a blue belt and don’t owe anything to anyone. I do think my switch to Cobrinha will prove beneficial and I have nothing, absolutely nothing against team Romulo. It wasn’t anything anyone did, it wasn’t anything said, it just wasn’t working and I had been having problems for months of all different kinds. I know I need to mature and I wasn’t going to be able to do it there. I wish everyone success and I hope I haven’t burned any bridges. Sometimes we need to do what’s right for ourselves no matter the cost and for me, this switch was it. I’ll be competing at the Dallas Open in 2 weeks under my new team Alliance.

As far as my writing, expect a new interview with the Mendes Bros on budovideos.com!

Abu Dhabi Trials San Diego, everyone learns from disaster

The amount of training needed to win at a high level is well...high. Or in other words "pra caralho." In my case, my training is not enough, we know this. Because I've whined about it a lot. No one can compete well and win at big competitions with the amount of training that I had in the last month but I almost did.

I trained more as a 2-stripe white belt than I do now. That was when I was afull time college student and working 9 hour shifts four days a week. Sometimes I would attend 6-8 classes a week mostly because I had an academy with a full schedule that fit into mine and later classes. I don't have that now. After Romulo left GB Encino our classes dwindled down remarkably. We added more and more and worked up to about 10 opportunities to train a week, 6 of them being classes taught by Romulo. I can only make three of them due to my job. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday is when I get my small fix. If I could train at least once a day, especially twice a day, maybe I'd be winning more. Maybe I'd be more confident, more conditioned, a better athlete. Maybe I would have won that trip to Abu Dhabi.

This past weekend I drove down to San Diego by myself after work. I was able to get off at 3:30 but it still took me 4 hours to get to the high school to weigh in. I made weight and one of my best friends who I never get to see anymore allowed me to stay at her apartment since it was conveniently located 15 minutes from the venue. The day of my weight division I was ready to compete without a coach, and that's what happened. I actually shouldn't say ready. I was there to fight but I was not prepared. In fact, I was more prepared to lose considering I had eaten pazookie's all week and didn't really train for a few weeks. I hadn't seen or talked to Romulo in a little so I said hi when I got there but didn't mention that I was competing so I guess he didn't know. My first match was against a girl I knew and had trained with before and ironically she lives and trains 2 minutes from my house. It was a given that one day we'd someday be matched up together but I wasn't sure if it would be weird. Her coach said he chose to keep his mouth shut and not coach Tessa since we were friends. It was a little awkward warming up and hanging out before our division was called but I'll have to learn how to deal now considering the amount of girls competing is small and I'm highly likely to compete against people I like. Anyways, I won that match by points. I pulled guard, swept, prevented deep half for about 3 minutes, passed and almost got the back before time ran out. I was told that I looked shocked I won. Pretty much. I was so prepared to lose because I was fat. I got a pep talk from Tessa and her coach and they even offered to coach me my next match. The second match was going my way and I kept wanting to sweep her over my head because the opportunity presented itself multiple times but I didn't go for it. I had the cross choke a few times and even made her gargle her own spit but she didn't tap. I killed my forearms like an idiot and at the last minute she gathered some points. I don't really remember but she ended up in mount at the last second. That sucked. But I wasn't shocked then.

Somehow I had made it to the podium allowing me a chance to win open weight meaning the trip to Abu Dhabi. The stars aligned, obviously. While on the podium I saw Romulo and my 2 teammates who gave me a look like, "What?" I secured my spot in the absolute brackets and then asked Romulo to coach me. But not before arguing with him how I haven't been training but for valid reasons that weren't valid to him. I waited 4 hours for the division to start. And then I waited some more as all the girls had matches. Finally I was called to fight yet another girl I had trained with and in fact had indulged in a pazookie with that week. I definitely said "pazzoooooookkieee" right before the match started. Romulo told me to replay what happened when I rolled with her in training so I did, submitting her with a cross choke from guard. Bittersweet win. After the match I gave my name to the coordinator managing the bracket and he said "Okay, see you tomorrow." All the final open weight matches were scheduled for Sunday. I immediately responded, "I'm in the finals?" He confirmed to which I turned around and yelled, "ROMINHOOO!! ROMINHO! I'M IN THE FINALS!!!" Wut? I had a by and then won one match and I was in the finals.

The next day was lagging and I finally got called after about every final match. My opponent and I were led to the mat and I took my place and waited for Andre Galvao to finish his match. After he won, I stepped onto the mat, wiped my sweaty palms on my gi, shook her hand, hopped back and immediately pulled guard. So did she but I stayed on bottom and she gained the advantage for coming up from the double guard pull. I tried for some sweeps but mostly just played de la riva and toyed with her balance. I went for a shitty omoplata and a measly dumb cross choke attempt from upside down guard. She played a good strategy by simply not getting swept and staying tight to me. She didn't really try to pass much and time ran out. One advantage, no points. She yelled in excitement running to her husband, Mario Reis while I to take in everything that just happened or rather everything that didn't happen. Because I was so complacent and passive I missed out on the biggest opportunity of my jiu jitsu career thus far. I wish this blog post was written with the sole purpose of announcing the huge step made towards building my legacy but unfortunately it's a bit milder and the topic is less exciting. Depressing as usual. I'm learning and I am still carving my path. I will make a name for myself, it just wasn't my time yet. I don't deserve it yet. I'm going to now work on not being an asshole to my training partners and treating my team with respect. I train at a lot of different places and I think it's time to go home. Team Romulo is my home and I can finally say I'm proud of what we have become and I hope that with a fresh start I can make them proud and they can begin to support my aspirations and acheivements. I'm just starting my journey. Here I come Pan Ams, ready to rip some heads off and leave them droopy and armless while I celebrate over their lifeless bodies. WINNING!

Here's everything I gained.......

I'd like to think that I've given this blog a level of vulnerability. Reading raw material with no intention of guiding the reader to feel a certain way towards the writer or the content is a rarity these days. I try not to hold anything back but then again it's not my diary so I need to have some kind of filter.

I'm still in a rut and I haven't found much love for training at the moment. I've been more interested in building my writing resume and attempting to earn some bucks so I can slave away at this desk job less. After Vegas, Romulo told me to go be a doctor. Okay, that sentence is kind of harsh when it's out of context. Every time I mention that I've got another writing job or lead in for my zine he says "Good, world champion writer." Sometimes it feels like he's telling me to pursue that instead of jiu jitsu champion and maybe he is and he's right. I need a back up plan and this is it.

I went up to San Francisco as a last minute trip for the hell of it last weekend. It was a really good, refreshing yet confusing trip. I made the decision to just let things happen as they will and put my agenda in the hands of the ones who ended up with me so to speak. I got to train and eat healthy food and just tag along with whatever the guys do over there. I spent some days in Stockton and given my hosts there, I wasn't too worried about getting shot, even at the bar!

However, I've been a pretty big nutcase since getting back. I can't really say why not because there's anything to hide but because I don't really know. The lives up there just seem better than the one I've got here and I never want to feel this way again. I never want to come home and feel like what I have here is not worthy of my time and effort but that's really how it is right now. I've been making it an effort to change some things so that I can have confidence in the choices I've made thus far, love the people that exist in my world and the opportunities that are actually available for me-- not the ones that were dangled in front of my face with no tangible way for me to chase them.

I'm competing in less than two weeks at the San Diego Trials. I've been drinking soda, eating a lot of baked goods and not training much. Yet I'm not worried. The less I stress, the better I feel. I don't have plans to meet up with anyone, I haven't asked anyone to coach me, I don't plan on having anyone to warm up with or even sit with. It's a test for me to be a real fighter and step up.

I also just made some business cards that look like the cover of a complete Throwdown discography. XXX

Check out my Caio Terra Interview on Budovideos if you get a chance.
http://www.budovideos.com/online/bjj-news/caio-terra-interview/
Assuming everything pans out, I'll have an article in two big magazines soon. And I'm also going to be famous one day, so if you're reading this, consider yourself an early fan. Thanks for reading.

Being a tool.

Everything in jiu jitsu has come very fast for me. Much like in the honors programs in grade school, I have taken the faster route. The only difference is that I wasn't placed in this position, I put myself here-- or so I believe. I gave myself high standards, I committed to this aspect of the sport. At a year and 5 months of my jiu jitsu journey, I am faced with huge questions, decisions and issues. All I know is that I don't think this is "normal."

The first time I even saw jiu jitsu, I had a huge interest. In 2008 I was brought into the scene at Pan Ams. Let's call it fate. Whatever it was, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I immediately asked to see some women's matches. And after I saw it before my eyes, I was sold. It took me a long time to get the confidence to enter a gym. I wasn't an athlete. I had never played a sport. I rode horses but I hated running (I still do) and I never placed any importance on physical activity whatsoever. With those circumstances holding me back it was also the money, the commitment and just plain social anxiety. I didn't walk into the gym until over a year later. But as soon as I did, I signed a 2 year contract right after my very first class. I've always dealt with finding productive activities to do with my time as well as keeping stable in my mental state. I had just come off a voluntary drug trial for general anxiety disorder. My life was a mess until I found jiu jitsu. I signed that paper so fast I never even gave myself time to think of what I had just done. Somehow I was going to manage working 36 hours a week and going to college full time and training. And I did.

After three months there was talk about a tournament. With my first exposure to bjj being at a competition, I knew it was where I wanted to go with my hobby. I ran around asking everyone about it, asking how to sign up, what it was all about. I even asked if I was allowed, if I was good enough, if it was in my best interest. With Romulo being my professor but not quite someone I really even knew, I went up to him and said "Professor, can I compete in a tournament!?" He simply said, "yeah!" and of course I went, "but I mean, like, do you think I could do it!?" "Sure" And I went and used the office computer to sign up.

My first tournament is always referenced due to the girls in my division still being active in the scene today. I actually just fought 2 of them this weekend at Abu Dhabi Trials. I won my first match that weekend and I'm not even sure how. I was so happy. I lost my next match but I had still gotten a medal. I went home and posted about it on facebook right away with a picture of me, my medal a huge gi burn on my nose and a smile. It opened up so many doors for me. This was it.

I entered more tournaments, I won some, I lost some, I trained a lot. By the time I was even a 2 stripe white belt I was training up to 8-9 times a week. I was training at other academies through people I had met, I was setting goals, stripping my life of circumstances that would limit my ability to train. I can't tell you when it happened and I can't tell you why but I became hooked not because I enjoyed every second of it or because it was just so much fun. I made jiu jitsu a huge priority because it's what keeps me sane, gives my life worth and gives me a feeling that I can actually succeed at something.


Jiu jitsu is something I take very seriously. You probably wouldn't be able to tell by how I am on the mats or how I live my life. This is a really hard blog post to make. I'm really not finding the words I need to say. Basically, this past weekend was one of the worst feelings of my life. I don't train as hard as I need to, I don't take things as seriously as I need to, I don't work hard enough. My professor works harder than any single person I've ever met. What I do with jiu jitsu compared to him as a joke. It doesn't matter that I'm only a blue belt. I make him look like his life is just a hobby. For what he sacrifices, I have sacrificed nothing. I want to be a black belt champion. I want to be the best at this sport. At one point I thought I could. Up until this weekend I thought I was giving it my all. I complain, I bitch and moan, I cheat on my diet, I take breaks when rolling, I stop when there's any pain, I don't push myself. I sit and watch people roll at open mat because "my head's just not in it" To say that I will be a champion at this rate is pathetic.

So the position I am now in is deciding whether this path is right for me. If not going to school in hopes to spend the next 10 years of my life devoted to being the best there is at this sport is even remotely possible. Why the fuck am I faced with this situation? When did Romulo, Braulio, Luanna, Lovato, Marcelo, all of them decide that this is what they were meant to do in life? How early on in their life did they stop fucking around and train to win? I'm faced with this now, and I'm either going to make it through or I'm going to figure out that I'm just meant to sit on the side lines and write about it. I really don't know.

A day in the life

Since this new year has begun, I have been one busy girl. With the trials coming up, my new job and getting my zine more known, I have barely had any time to.....breathe? see my friends? clean my room? pay my car insurance? fix my car? have any kind of social life?.....nah, no time to be unhappy. Given that I will find any reason to bitch and moan about my current circumstances, this year so far is a blessing. This job is a blessing, my zine and jiu jitsu. (Among many many different other things like my momma.)

Every week I work 40 hours. I train with my team on Monday nights, Wednesday nights and Saturdays. I've implemented a work out training with my friend Rebecca on so far every Tuesday and hopefully Thursday. Fridays I go into work an hour early so I have enough time after to get down to Irvine through the Friday traffic to train in the advanced Women's class and also catch the last half hour of no-gi sparring upstairs. Sundays I make another trek to Orange County to train the open mat at Ralph Gracie.

In between calls at work I: email different companies and academies to distribute my zine. I post in three separate forums and manage the "clients" I receive from each. I post in my facebook page and ask people (even those on my friend list who don't even know what bjj is) to like my page along with those who have a huge friend-base full of bjj lovers to post the fan page on their walls. I manage conversations to athletes for their quotes to be entered in the next zine along with the Luanna Alzuguir interview which is finally finished! (So excited) I write on the envelopes all the addresses to be shipped and stuff the few copies of zines in them. I mark down every contact/address I have in my pronotes book. I make a dot on my printed out U.S. map to mark each state I have contacts/distributors in so I can keep track of how well it is being spread. I write down the ideas/research the topics I'm writing for my next zine. Email/call copying places to request quotes for a bulk order.

I am at the post office at least once or twice a week. I am at kinkos about every week. I have received no donations and I am still doing everything out of my own pocket. I researched business plans and whatnot but that would be getting way too ahead of myself. I've gotten in contact with Budo Videos and they like the zine. Still working out plans and deals in order for them to put one of my zines in each order they send out.

I'm competing this weekend in the Grappling X tournament in Long Beach. I've been dieting and taking antibiotics. Tonight is the last night and I am still nasally/congested with a cough and no end in sight.

But I'd have to say that every morning I wake up, despite being tired and grumpy, I am stoked for what the day has to offer. As simple as you might think it is to be able to mentally prepare yourself for each day, it is not an easy task that I've ever been able to accomplish. I go to sleep at night (not without checking/responding to my emails, finishing up touches on the zine, etc) feeling tired and somewhat stressed but feeling like I did it right. I used this day wisely and I feel productive. I think that's what most of us ask for and I'm hoping it lasts. Gooooodnight.

P.S. Imagine me rambling this off to you as if I'm being timed on a game show. That should give it the full effect.

the juice is worth the squeeze

Jiu jitsu has plagued me with ailments, unknown scars and markings on my body constantly, a collection of pain meds/old antibiotics in my medicine cabinet, a maxed out credit card, buff arms that never fit right into nice cute tops with sleeves, medical bills, reason to work full time and not go back to school for now, constant laundry, lack of focus towards other important obligations in life, less of a social life, less time in my days, my hair going bald giving me reason to shave my head, dudes asking me "so ur a fighter? that's intimidating lol," and many many extra milage on my car. It's funny that a martial art/sport could change my life so much. And that everything I have "endured" so to speak so far has been completely and entirely justified due to the positive aspects. Not only did I find a hobby and a passion, I found a productive, healthy and truly inspiring way to define myself. I'm no longer just a college student. a little blonde girl, a 21-year old with no direction. I'm a jiu jitsu fighter. I find meaning in my life that is defined by training and fighting to the best of my ability in competitions. Competitions that will one day be the epitome of my life accomplishments. I have plans to not only earn a black belt but be the best female practitioner at every belt rank until then. I want to test my abilities in tournaments, teach others what I know, live my life knowing I have something worth living for and train hard all the time. I will be a champion one day. And even though that may never be enough, there is always room for improvement and ways I can incorporate jiu jitsu into my life. I'm young, I'm not tied down and I have time and the ability to dedicate my life to this sport. What a crazy thing to say.

P.s. Here's a picture after my first jiu jitsu class in which I posted on Facebook with the caption: "Hey body, you suck." hahaha