Pan Ams, Bruno Mamute, Ralph Gracie, Mundials, GB

So I haven't updated in quite some time and any chance I felt a spark of inspiration to update, I lost it due to the lack of knowing how to write without telling every single detail, every personal response and reaction and how to avoid including names of people that don't actually matter. Last time I made a post I was pumped for Pan Ams and was out and about testing my techniques at other academies. Professor Romulo was in Abu Dhabi at the time and not having him there to coach me was a huge bummer but I ended up placing 3rd out of the 12 in my bracket. That might not seem like a lot of people in one division but compared to the 4-6 I usually get, 12 was awesome. I got there alone since I had slept over a friends house to beat the work traffic I would have had to get through coming from L.A. By the time I got in and got dressed I was already being called and didn't even have time to warm-up. I was the second match of the whole tournament! I had my mom and some people from my academy to back me and Professor Alberto showed in time to coach me as well. My first match was against a girl from Alliance. She pulled guard, I passed and she turned on her side as I went for the mount. I reached under her to grab the opposite lapel and she tapped after I pulled only a little. To be honest, it surprised me that she would tap to that so I didn't let go right away. I get so full of nerves and adrenaline still that most of the time I'm not even all there because it feels like it all happens so fast. I just shook this girl's hand and now I'm getting my hand raised-- I'll take it! I had some time before I had to fight again so I walked around and found Bruno Mamute who would later coach my next two matches. Second match was against a tougher girl. I won by points (I don't remember the exact score but I was up by a lot) and I had her in a triangle two times but couldn't finish her. At least I knew what to work on! I was pretty stoked and high on life after winning that and paid attention to the bracket. Got a little ahead of myself since I saw I was going to medal even if I lost this match so it got in my head. Third girl was fast and strong. We went all over the place to her having my back then having her in my guard to me mounting at one point. She got me 15 to 7 and it sucked but I was satisfied because I fought hard. Getting my picture taken on the podium at Pan Ams felt awesome and although it wasn't where I had planned to stand, I was ready to train hard and get better in time for Worlds. The whole competition after my day was like a big festival for me. Met a lot of cool people, saw some monumental fights, advanced my portuguese some and overstayed my welcome. Okay, at least I hope not. The next day it was back to work, literally but I was too pumped on my whole weekend that it didn't really matter how many patients I had to do physical therapy on, how many times I had to call the insurance companies or the stress of having to answer phones, schedule appointments and perform an ultrasound on someone's back all at the same time. Just a day later I was back to training and down in OC checking out Bruno Paulista's Ralph Gracie academy. I came in when the kid's class was still in progress. I had never seen so many kids on one mat before let alone that many parents actively watching and hanging out with one another. The academy layout itself is very home-like with couches and a flat screen, a coffee table scattered with graciemags and coloring books, a staircase right out of the set of Full House, a huge mat, Bruno's pup chillin behind the desk and a whole upstairs equipped with another big mat, weights and cardio machines and another flat screen. When I took the advanced class (I was allowed to participate even though I had 3 stripes and the requirements were 4) I was paired up with a female which was a delightful change and a large reason I was there in the first place. We worked on kimura defenses and did specific training in guard and rolled after. Met a lot of people and felt really welcome. After the class I stayed longer than I had wanted to since I had work in the AM and ended up taking on the responsibility of Bruno's phone calls while he went to Brazil for ten days. He was stressing about last minute plans and whatnot so I figured helping him out like that would be no problem--ten days isn't long. Unfortunately, the trip lasted longer than anyone wanted it to. Just a week after he was in Brazil he got in a car accident that threatened to take his life. After getting multiple calls and voicemails on my phone from Said, one of Bruno's students, I got worried and snuck out of work to call him back. Turns out he was calling Bruno's phone and it was being forwarded to me without him realizing it and the news he broke to me was horrible. I won't go into all of the details that followed but he came out of a coma and was recovering slowly. In that amount of time I was already driving down to the OC once a week and training and helping out at the academy, which didn't leave much time to train at my own academy, Legacy. Without having girls to train with and no little guys who knew how to train with a girl, Ralph Gracie felt like it would help me a lot more. I never intended to change gyms but with my time being occupied and then finding great training partners while there, I made the switch. A lot of black belts and students stepped up to teach and assist at the academy while Bruno was away which was admirable to say the least. Regarding my own training, it was hard to drive down and only train 2 times a week especially with Worlds creeping up fast. Also, with not many people who knew my game, I thought it would be tough to find someone to coach me but Benny and Sean stepped up willingly and it was a relief. To further my game even more, I took a trip to San Francisco. I trained at Ralph Gracie Dublin and at Ralph Gracie San Francisco and let me tell you, the training is not taken lightly up there. I was very fortunate to have Ralph help me directly. Now let me foreshadow a little here and tell you that I have a stupid fear of getting swept while passing guard by standing so that's what Ralph helped me with. And he even threw in a pass involving using the other person's gi to trap their arm and pass without standing. I'm extremely grateful for everyone that allowed that trip to happen and all the training partners and professors I came across in that duration. By the time I got back to LA it was already 4 days before my match at Worlds. I was dealing with unfortunate personal issues and my head wasn't screwed in right, so I wasn't exactly going in with a focused mindset. Day of the matches I had three coaches and much support. While in the bullpen I was greeted by my man Kenny. His big hug and encouraging words of "rip her fuckin' head off" really helped. Too bad it wasn't enough. Nervous as shit, my first (and only) match was against a GB girl. She pulled guard and although I avoided being swept and even got half guard at one point AND took her down (kind of?I didn't get points) I lost by an advantage. Wasn't exactly the best sportsman given that I slammed my hands on the mat and mouthed a "FUCK!" after time ran out, I still congratulated my opponent before rushing off to cry. I can tell you that crying does help. It may not be the best way to deal or the proudest way to lose but it was much needed in order for me to accept that although I was going above and beyond to try and prepare for this competition, I didn't do my best and I wasn't the best. It happens, I'm over it and to those that did win my division they earned it. I felt like I had a lot on my shoulders and much to prove after leaving Romulo (even though I was always and will always be his girl) and that made me feel like a failure. Boo-hoo, I'll stop talking about my girlish tendencies. The following days would pretty much conclude what I was already feeling-- that driving all that way to Anaheim and not be able to train as often as I need to, would ultimately take a toll on my performance and progress. I love the friends I've made and the people who helped me but I decided that by making Legacy, now Gracie Barra Encino, my main squeeze, I could get back on track. I still plan on training with the girls and guys that made my training possible the past two months, who allowed me to barge into their classes and beat all of them up in rolling (haaaaaaaa), who let me tease and punch them for little to no reason, who coached and taught me, who gave me places to stay, who gave me support and advice for my life decisions and comforting me when I was down. I'll still be around (sorry, you're somewhat still stuck with me). Regarding Bruno, the best news I've heard in forever came today-- he's out of the hospital and fully on his way to recovery. We're hoping he'll be back in the OC by August but really, I'm and we are all glad he's just okay and back to his old, stubborn, funny, charming self. A lot of tough choices were made since the last time I posted and it wasn't exactly the best time for my life or jiu jitsu but I think it was all needed in order for me to realize where I belong, who I can really trust and how things just are at this point in my life. I'll update more often so hopefully they aren't as long as this one. Here are some pictures that go along with this rant: