The 2011 World Jiu Jitsu Championships are 3 days away. This is the time that athletes are cramming in their last strenuous training sessions, starving to make weight, traveling and adjusting to time changes and ridding themselves of distractions in order to focus on the days ahead. I, on the other hand, have skipped a few training sessions, eating a bunch to make up for the dramatic loss of appetite I incurred the past few weeks, and dealing with internal issues that are preventing my mind from settling into competition mode.

Any jiu jitsu competitor will tell you how important your mind is to this sport. The mind is so powerful. Do whatever it takes to free yourself of demotivating thoughts and set a game plan. Gain your confidence. Be ready to act quickly and remember every thing you've learned. Sharpen your tools and load your arsenal. Sure it may be the hardest part but its necessary and its what I struggle with.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I had found a paid voluntary drug trial on Craigslist and being a troubled new college student, I jumped on it. I knew I had an abnormal amount of stress and wanted confirmation that I wasn't just overreacting and I wanted to perhaps learn if I could control it. I can't lie, though. The idea of 500 extra bucks in my pocket was a large incentive. The trial was about 8 weeks long and at the end I was advised to continue seeking help and that I could be referred. They even gave me samples of an existing drug on the market for depression and anxiety since they go hand in hand. And they really do.

After that I never sought out therapy. Instead I found a great alternative-- jiu jitsu. Today its proven to aid my stress levels and controlling my life. I'm sure most can vouch for that. But my anxiety and the like still exist and it is all still very real. It hinders my ability to not only train efficiently but also perform at competitions. With worlds days away, I know I want the title and I know it can be mine but whether or not I can get my shit together will determine everything.

If I don't win worlds it will not be because I was ill-prepared. It won't be lack of technique or cardio. It won't be because I'm not good enough or I wasn't pushed hard enough or I didn't surround myself with the right people. It certainly won't be because I was denied the necessary means to be at a high level. No, it will because I sabotage myself and couldn't make my mind right. Maybe it will be lack of confidence or will to give everything. Maybe it will be because of what someone said or did days before or unfortunate events. My troubles can get the best of me and in order to be able to step on the mat and compete against the person I shake hands with I have to win over my mind first. And that's pretty depressing.