Finally free.

I left the start-up. While I was assured a position and was unofficially moved from intern to full-time employee, the role never really stuck. They said I'd be full-time, have a set stipend and then in 2-3 months move to salary with insurance and making enough to move out of my parents' house and closer to the office in Santa Monica. It never really blossomed and I started hating what I was doing. What I thought would be a blogging/social media internship turned out to be a customer service internship. What I thought would be a full-time PR/Marketing position was really a full-time answer the phone, call people a lot position. Once it was determined that wasn't something I enjoyed at all, I opted out of being included in the role formation.

So I'm a full-time Cobrinha blue belt. I have no idea how long this will last or the likelihood that I'll be able to sustain this lifestyle through freelance writing yet but I'm willing to make a damn good attempt. Feels weird being at the academy all day again since that was how I started working there. They've since replaced me so now I'm back to being a bum. Driving the 26 miles back to my house isn't an option due to high gas prices so while every other jiu jitsu bum at the academy goes home to eat and rest in between training sessions, I find ways to be productive. Not a bad life, just will take some time to find the best ways I get my own things done without A.) spending money B.) wasting valuable time and C.) getting lonely.

I didn't plan it to be this way. I didn't tell myself to save up money and I didn't plan on leaving the start-up. I just didn't plan anything. After this past weekend at the San Diego Trials a lot changed in my head and I want to really try at something. I watch other jiu jitsu athletes find a way to make it work in order to train full-time and I couldn't keep up because I wanted something else. I watch my old high school friends graduating college and getting into top grad school while I haven't finished my B.A. yet. 

I've been reading this blog: www.blog.penelopetrunk.com I believe her advice is great and she makes me feel comfortable with past decision I've made. Not that I needed someone to tell me that, but it gives me patience.

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2003/08/26/3-things-to-teach-your-kids-so-they-succeed-in-life/

Here is where she speaks about how parents need to raise their children in order to have them succeed. I'm an adult and my mom raised me the way she wanted to but I believe this still applies to me given that I haven't fully left the coop yet. In my position now, it took passion and the risk taking in order for me to be able to work hard. 

In her mailbag Q&A someone asked her what they should do because they haven't committed to anything due to not being passionate about it. Mid-twenties, always trying something new and switching directions, not graduated from college because can't decide a major and working low-end jobs because of it. Sounds familiar! Well here was her answer.

"It’s very common to have no idea what you want to do in your adult life when you are in your mid-twenties. Think about it: You have spent most of your life in school, learning things that do not help you figure out adult life. So now you have had only three or four years to figure out how you want to be as an adult. That’s not very much time. You have about fifty more years of adult life. You have plenty of time to get a good plan.

Meanwhile, keep trying new things. The way you find something you want to stick with is to try a lot of things to figure out what you are passionate enough to stick with. There is no hard in trying 20 things and stopping them because you don’t like them. There is more harm in pretending to be fine with what you are doing because you think you SHOULD be fine.

You are not wasting time if you are learning about yourself. Are you learning from all the things you are doing and not sticking with? Then you’re okay. If you are not learning about yourself then you might be paralyzed by fear. And then you might need help — coaching to get some focus, or therapy to get some personal insight. But most people who are lost in their twenties are just fine.

Side note: It’s too bad parents don’t warn kids, as they are growing up, that one’s twenties is a time for being lost.

Penelope"

I lost my first match at Abu Dhabi Trials due to ref's decision. The next day was my last day working and now I'm here. My mom's freaking out. I have a speeding ticket to pay, academy dues, gas, car insurance and registration and many other things to pay for but I just don't care. If I'm doing what I feel I need to do then it's right because I never, ever feel this certain that I am where I am meant to be.