Next Chapter

I have no idea where to start with this post. Everything in my life has been exponentially better because of jiu jitsu. The role models that I have had, Romulo and Cobrinha, have both shaped me not only as a jiu jitsu athlete but as a person. I learned that I needed to push through whatever was in my way from Romulo-- that no one should ever be able to throw me off my path. I struggled so much with the decisions in my life, so much that I never really progressed. I just enjoyed making things worse for myself. Cobrinha has taught me that being positive in life is what matters most.
Everything is how you look at it. Cobrinha isn't a very forward guy and it takes a real long time to get him to open up but I feel that I'm getting there. I remember a conversation I had with him where we actually discussed my mentality. He wanted me to just think positively. I said that I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, things that plague my mind. Things that I never thought I could get past. He reiterated that it doesn't matter what someone tells me I have or how I am, I can always erase negative thoughts and make changes. Solve problems. He's always pushed me to solve my problems and I have. Since beginning my training at Cobrinha's I have finally trudged along my path of happiness. The hardest thing is deciding what you want in life. And I'm finally there. The amount of negative events that have happened have not derailed my confidence in myself and I have not lost sight of where I am going.

I know that my negativity has often plagued the mats at Cobrinha BJJ. I often never realized it but I know now that it only takes one negative image, thought, word, sentence, you name it, to shake up that balance. I want to say I'm sorry for being that person and being a disease that spread from outside of my own mind and onto the mats.

Today I was promoted to purple belt by Rubens "Cobrinha" Charles Maciel after 2 years and 10 months of training. Cobrinha made a speech stating that I not only have improved in jiu jitsu but in life. I haven't complained, I haven't been negative and I have worked hard at becoming a more positive person. It was so hard not to cry. I'm so lucky to have not only an instructor in jiu jitsu but a life coach, whether he signed on for the latter or not.

Thank you Cobrinha for making me solve my problems. I see things so much clearer now and without your influence, I would have never pushed myself to face my issues head on and deal with them in a mature manner. You have given me such clarity that I feel I can do anything now. We may not be homies, or bffs and I can't tell you everything about my life but it's because of this type of relationship that I've realized how obsolete those factors really are in my life. My training partners have been a pivotal role in my journey. I never had the support I have here. My female training partners are the best part of my training and without you girls, I wouldn't have the capacity to do what I do. I have a huge road ahead of me and this is still the beginning but getting here is a chapter that I can finally end. This past year was hell at times and glorious in others. Either way, I am a better person and I can only hope that my journey continues at a similar progressive pace.

Please sign up for my zine to the right of this post. Pulling Guard Zine is my baby and I will treat is as such. Now that I've moved it online, I can update with content constantly and give it the dedication it deserves as well as give you, the reader, the content you deserve. It would mean the world to me if you would follow my journey to building a legacy. Ossss.