3rd year

The person pictured in the photo above is someone I don't even know anymore. Three years ago today I tried my first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. I came home with a bruise and complained about it on facebook. At the time I had acrylic nails, chubby baby fat and I was just getting rid of my acne. I walked into that gym hoping to find something to brag about to my friends. What I ended up getting was a lifestyle change that has made me into a driven individual today. And those friends I wanted to impress have dropped off completely.

Three years ago the most drive I had was the antsy pantsy adrenaline rush when I was waiting for a text from a guy I liked. In reality, it only drove me to pursue guys who were scumbags. While I was working and I was in school full-time, my major wasn't anywhere near what it has changed to now and my money was vanishing in thin air via gas and eating out. At the time I had a gym membership but never went once the entire 6 months I was signed up. Not once because I was afraid to be gawked at our looked at funny or most importantly, judged. The most accomplished moment of my life was graduating high school. Below that might have been completing an endurance horse ride or competing in a music festival in New Orleans, both at the age of 13. High school was a bore and uneventful and I never developed into a skilled athlete, artist, scholar, musician or any kind of trade. I hadn't chosen a lifestyle and I wasn't sure who I was. 

In 2009 that all changed. I remember when Brian, the muay thai coach who noticed everything like a new haircut, told me one day that he noticed I had lost weight in my face. Then I noticed that when I wore a tube top, the fat near my armpits didn't bulge at all. (Big news for a girl!) And so the physical changes were obviously the more noticeable changes I saw. Once I started competing I turned into an athlete. Competing has given me the most intense experiences of my life. I have grown tremendously from them.

When I won two tournaments in a row to earn my blue belt, I felt more accomplished than any other time. Receiving my belt on the podium felt like the Olympics to me. My work was being acknowledged in public and in great fashion. When I lost at the 2011 Las Vegas Trials, in that very same venue, I left that weekend thinking I was never going to win anything major. I had gotten 3 bronze medals in 3 different divisions. Not to mention, my mentor was crushed for his own reasons and it was a disheartening weekend. But I still went to the San Diego Trials a month later. I didn't give up and I placed second in the open division at blue belt after less than 1.5 years of training, narrowly missing the trip to Abu Dhabi. I learned. And I didn't give up.

When I lost a devastating and embarrassing match at the 2012 Europeans, I was crushed. I returned to home with my head down and not wanting to talk to anyone. After the 2012 San Diego Trials ended with a first match loss again, I made the necessary changes to manage a life of full time training even if only temporary. The person I was three years ago would never understand the mentality I have today. Hell, we wouldn't even be friends.

The sacrifices I've made in the past three years have been more than worth it. The losses I've endured and the accomplishments I have gained are the most internally life-changing moments that will be the foundation of my future jiu jitsu journey. The drive I have today pushes me to aim for World Championship titles, for success in everything that I do and to pass limits that I previously set for myself. My eyes are open but targeted towards what I want in whatever way I can get it and past any obstacles that occur.

Tomorrow starts the fourth year and I hope to be making this type of post in a year with many in between. Thanks for reading thus far (and if this is the first post, that's cool too.)

P.S. Here is my first ju jitsu match ever in 2009 after 3 months of training. In the white gi.