"Just chop it off..."

I figure it's important to note this current, unfortunate, common, expected and somewhat essential step in my journey-- my first injury. How I deal will determine my character and test my love for this sport.
Anyone I've ever trained with will tell you that I am made of rubber. "Armbar? Pffft forget it." Yeah I'm flexible and its been somewhat of a blessing but also a curse and I will explain why in this very long post of storytelling. I signed up for the Los Angeles International Open hoping to get at least two matches. I looked at the competitor list to find two other girls in my division and read "Jennifer Liou." Part of me went "fuck" and the other part of me rubbed my hands together while sporting a menacing grin. Rematch.
Flashback to my first tournament ever, the California Classic last November. My first match went well with an armbar from mount. That had me feeling awesome. My second match was Jenny. She stood out from the other girls competing not only because she wasn't wearing any make-up but also because she was entirely silent and had this look like either she was planning a murder or her participation that day was forced upon her. Or both. I wasn't exactly scared of her but you could tell she was already a very serious competitor. I went onto the mat and once the match started we were fighting for grips. I remembered a move that Romulo's friend visiting from Brazil, Jarrao had just taught me which involved passing my elbow over her extended arm that was gripping my lapel and shooting in for a single. It worked but after surviving her guillotine attempt, I somehow ended up with her on my back. She ended up choking me with my lapel but not before giving me gi burns on the bridge of my nose and hands and shoving her hand in my mouth while I attempted to avoid biting it. The girl was a beast and I compared her to a vengeful daughter out for my blood because I killed her Momma. Surely my first taste of a real competitor among many other firsts that day. I later watched her demolish her opponent in a nogi match with a triangle in less than a minute. Throughout the past year I had entered the same competitions as her but due to her being a featherweight, we never got matched up again.
So now back to this past Sunday, the LA Open, put on by the NABJJF, had only three weight classes for women and I was in the 140 and under division which would put Jenny in my bracket. NBD, (no big deal) I would TCB (take care of business.) I had a by and Jenny won the other girl at the last minute, literally. That girl went off and disappeared. She was eventually DQd and since I wouldn't be fighting the loser first, I'd be going in to fight for first. I had been getting my nerves down by joking around and making Jenny laugh. I was at ease, this would just be a fun match and no pressure. But this was also my rematch. I was mentally prepared considering I knew or at least knew that at white belt level, fighting Jenny is like fending off a rabid dog attack. I would soon find out that nothing had changed.
Normally I start my matches with a swift guard pull before my opponent can even remember what their game plan was but this time I waited and circled a bit. I thought, "fuck it," and swooped in. She immediately angled herself for a pass to my left so I planted my right foot on her torso and rolled her over for a sweep. Two points up. From then on she was attack attack attack and I unfortunately was left in defense mode. She got me in a guillotine while I was passing and my lovely teammate yelled for me to watch out for what I had already gotten into. Ha, good lookin' out! I popped my head out and from then on it was me trying to pin her legs together and pass and her going for triangles, omoplatas, guillotines and armbars. I sloppily (new word?) defended all of them until I was in her closed guard. Really didn't want to be there. I stupidly left my arm out. She tucked it under her armpit while attempting a triangle somewhat, wrapped her arm around mine placing her forearm below my elbow and pulled. Here's where I have the issue. Do I see how far she takes it? Do I wait til she gives up? Do i try to yank it out? Stand up? Oh wait that burns...this could do some damage. So I reluctantly tap. She stops, looks at the ref who doesn't motion anything and she goes again! I tap more this time and the match finally ends. I didn't hurt too much til I stepped off the mat. Then I felt it and curled up in a ball until the medic came over. It ached like a bitch and it hasn't stopped hurting since then despite the splint, ibuprofen, advil, darvocets and norcos I've been given. I had my friend jessi drive me to the er after waiting around, freaking out and indulging in Brazilian bbq. At this point theres no obvious break but possibly a hairline fracture in the radial head and I can't rotate my wrist. This is my first injury and I understand it's not my last but so far I'm losing my sanity and now my job. I'm learning to deal but not very well. I'll come back with a vengeance and perhaps be more prepared to fight for the kill. All part of the game, journey and lessons learned. I'll post pictures when I'm not in my phone.